“My mother begins most days with a list.”
That is the first line of my 2013 memoir Naked Imperfection. I grew up with that list-as-structure and list-as-evidence-of-purpose model of how to be in the world. My mother’s lists were written on the backs of envelopes, or on pads of paper beside the landline phone. Today, though the time-honoured envelope-back continues to hold its own, we have Todoist and Things and other productivity apps that curate our lists with enticing colour-coded charm. I am sufficiently prone to forgetfulness to remain a big fan of The List, and I’m all for whatever works to help us get our sh*t done. But I try very hard to remember that making lists and scratching things off them is only ever an illusion of order amidst the chaos.
Among the many aspects of surrender that writer and journalist Cathrin Bradbury shares in her new book This Way Up is her break-up with lists—she describes the glorious freedom that happens when we can let go of trying to impose structure, certainty and order on the world around us. She investigates how an openness to change leads to more creativity. It’s not always a comfortable feeling at first, to let go of an agenda, but it gets easier with practice. And it always offers up rewards.
Bravo, Cathrin Bradbury, for being so honest and vulnerable about all the unknowns that come with retirement, divorce, and getting closer to the end than the beginning.
I hope you enjoy the conversation.
This week’s Unknown—a guest post:
Finding your way after a marriage ends is a harrowing journey with which I have no personal experience, but I did receive a submission from a podcast listener and newsletter subscriber who experienced all the unknowns of a sudden divorce after 41 years of marriage. So here is a guest post from Pat Butler who co-authored a book on the subject with divorce lawyer David Frenkel. Thanks for sharing this Pat!
There are moments in life when you feel as though you are balancing on the end of a 3-meter diving board, trying to screw up the courage to jump into the pool. Your confidence dissolves, but you can’t turn and climb down because your friends are egging you on. You have no choice but to leap.
When your marriage dies, it can feel like one of those moments. It makes no difference which partner pulled the plug, the day after the decision you feel wobbly and scared. Your confidence is shattered, your role in the family changes, your friends are unsure what to say, and you have no choice but to confront the unknown. If you have children, you busy yourself trying to appear calm and self-assured, but it will be an act. Every morning your waking thought will be, “How will I get through the day?” You face an overwhelming deluge of upheaval, heartache, and uncertainty.
You cry a lot.
Months after my long marriage disintegrated, I couldn’t bear to shop for clothes because I was incapable of picturing any future social event. Even contemplating the next calendar month made my heart hurt. I drew up a list of confidants, whom I phoned when I had to let off steam. And hired a therapist when they grew tired of my rants. Soon, I tired of my own rants.
Eventually I found love again—online, amazingly enough. Now blissfully married for 11 years, I co-authored the book that I wish had existed when I felt wobbly and scared: My Divorce Journal: A Guided Path to Moving Forward.
Divorce recovery occurs in defined stages. “Knowledge is power,” said Francis Bacon. And knowledge of the recovery process helps you face the unknown.
You can find more of Pat Butler’s work here.
This week’s Love Affair:
I’m a little bit bursting at the seams as have a wee secret to share. I’ve been keeping this under wraps for a while but it’s time to blow the cover (as it were).
The book that once existed only in my head… and then existed for over a year in nothing but a series of emails between me, my agent and my editor… is now one very exciting step closer to being held in the hands of the world. I *just today received the official cover art—huge whoop! And *you, dear readers, get to share in the whooping.
Coming January 2026 from House of Anansi to a bookseller near you
Yes that is a rendering of me, jumping not-at-all-fearlessly off a *very high cliff into *very deep water. It is an image that never fails to lift my heart. Every time I see it I am reminded of the absolute freedom of those split seconds of free fall, the kind that can only ever happen when we let go of certainty and take a leap into the unknown. It’s a perfect encapsulation of what lies behind it on the pages of my book. A Love Affair with the Unknown: Leaning into the Uncertainty of Modern Life comes out January 2026 from House of Anansi publishers. Yee. Haw.
Onward—something to consider:
If you’re enjoying the podcast and this newsletter, have I got a book to recommend for you this week. [*points to cover art above*]
You don’t even have to make a reminder to pick up a copy when it’s published in January—see, I saved you having to put that on a to-do list!—you can pre-order it now. Right here. Through your local indie bookseller, through Indigo, or if need be through Amazon.
I hope your summer is full of plunges into cool water, from whatever height seems reasonable. Or better yet, slightly unreasonable.
Thank you, as always, for reading and for listening. And possibly even pre-ordering;)
Gill
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